Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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