I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
