I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
