what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
