The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
