my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
