if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
