Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
