I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
