the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
