On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize