i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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