I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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