if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
