Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
