i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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