Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
