Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
