I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
