i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
