R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
