Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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