A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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