You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize