Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
