I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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