She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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