in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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