Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
