don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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