It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
