I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize