Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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