In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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