Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
