Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
