Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
