Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
