Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize