I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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