I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
