Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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