I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
