Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
