dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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