At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
