Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
