the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
