In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
