Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
