mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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