I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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