Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
