Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
