like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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