I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
