she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
