I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
