we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
