I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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