Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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