we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
