but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
tell me about the fingering
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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