My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
