i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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