Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
