Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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