dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
