I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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