You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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