you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
